This is just about our lives - four cats, two kids, a musician and a preacher.
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Friday, October 14, 2005
We have trouble next door. Trouble that spills out into our lives. I never thought that I'd wish for cold, rainy weather, but we need to see much less of our neighbors. This will probably be a long account, but the events have really bothered me.
Nathan plays with the boys next door fairly often. Their mother (R) left an abusive boyfriend who tried to kill her and moved back in with her Mom and Stepdad (S). Sounds like it would be better, right? I'm not so sure. Stepdad has a drinking problem. Beer brings out an ugly, mean side of him.
We first heard of this problem when R came to our house sobbing, asking to use our phone. S had threatened to "finish what ___ (ex-boyfriend) started." She moved out for a few days, but then came back.
I've tried to keep a better eye on Nathan since hearing about that nastiness. But when the boys play, they run between both houses. The boys have not been playing well together for the last few weeks, either. They can't agree on what to play, and it ends with tackling and hitting. I've been around them enough to know that there isn't ever one lone instigator. They all take turns being bad!
Yesterday the boys came over to see if Nathan could play. I decided to stay outside with them and referee. When a conflict came up, I tried to help Logan and Nathan find an alternative to grabbing and slapping. But their Grandmother heard us their yard and yelled for the boys to get back in their own yard. They went , and Nathan followed. I went with him to keep an eye on things.
S was sitting in his lawn chair guzzling a beer. He tells me what a rotten day he has had, and how we need to limit the boys' time together. I'm in agreement there - dh and I had already talked about that. Then he says "At *our* house, we've been working on not hitting, pushing, or shoving. I just put a poster up that has all of that printed on it." That's good. Never mind that the boys can't read yet. And did you have that in mind when you threatened to kill their Mother not too long ago?
All three boys headed over to the woodpile to play. They all had small sticks in their hands, and ran off to a patch of dirt a few yards away. S told the boys to put the sticks back. Boys continued to run around. While I'm telling Nathan to listen and put the stick back, S starts *yelling* at my son. "I told you to put that stick back on the pile. I'm sick of picking up sticks every time I turn around." His boys weren't included in the rant - it was only directed at my son. With me standing right there.
I gathered up my kids and headed home. As we were leaving, he was yelling at me about how my son doesn't listen to authority and we need to teach him how to listen. Blah, blah, blah. . . While both of these accusations are true to some extent, our son's discipline issues are none of his business.
This incident was just a real eye-opener for me. I knew that they had problems next door, but I had no idea that so much hostility was being directed toward my son. It was apparent to me that S sees my son as the problem when the boys don't play well together. I've spent enough time with all three to know that it's just not a good mix. Nathan has his own agenda for play plans, and they almost never suit Logan. Logan whines and cries, and Nathan just does his own thing. So Logan tackles Nathan, and Nathan pops him one. It isn't pretty, but it isn't any *one* child's fault.
I've already told Nathan that he won't be playing next door. The other kids can play at our house, but they have to stay here. Nathan wasn't a bit upset to hear this, which tells me that visits next door weren't always pleasant.
I hope that R can get herself collected quickly and find an apartment.
1:06 PM
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